My Stance

I posted this on another blog, but I feel like this is a really good way of explaining where I stand in my beliefs.
I remember when I was thirteen.  I had spent the better part of the fall months making the perfect Christmas list.  It was long enough that my parents had options. I had starred my favorites, in a hope that it would make my parents think more about those options.  I had even spent time researching my favorite authors to find other books that they had written. It was going to be the best Christmas ever. I was expecting a mountain of Jack Weyland (gotta love the romance books), one or two classics (I'm super thankful that my Louisa May Alcott phase has died out), and my very own copy of Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix (no matter how many people fight me on this, I will always say this is the greatest book in the series).
Before I continue, understand that I'm the youngest child in my family, and like many other youngest children, I went through a very big entitlement phase. Please don't judge me for what I'm about to describe.
There were books under the tree, wrapped up for me.  I couldn't contain my excitement, as I ripped the paper off, only to discover this:

The Jimmy Fincher Saga.  I'm not gonna do a review on it, because I'm afraid old James Dashner will find it, and will be sadly disappointed.  As a writer myself, I understand how much heart and soul can go into a piece, and I don't want to damage that.  All I can say is that for me, they were a one time read.
I was devastated. I knew what I wanted.  I had even explained to my parents what I wanted. What was the purpose of making a Christmas list, if I was going to be given some poorly written drivel (sorry James Dashner), instead of the glorious books I wanted (Sidenote: In all fairness, Jack Weyland isn't some linguistic genius either.  He's pretty campy too, but I was a sucker for the cheestastic romances)?  Still, I read the ENTIRE series.  Two things motivated me. The first was the thought that if I didn't appreciate what I had been given, then my parents would feel justified in calling Christmas off the next year.  The second, was a hope that somewhere, something redeemable would reveal itself inside these books (unfortunately, I was disappointed).
My purpose in writing this, was not to review this series.  If you don't believe that it's not the best, go read it. My real purpose was a thought that occurred to me tonight, that is demonstrated by this story.
My parents wanted me to be happy that Christmas.  They always do. I know, because they love me, and I also was able to see the disappointment in my mom's face, when she found out that I wasn't happy with what she thought I wanted.  She had tried hard. She had wanted to surprise me, and she had read reviews of the series as well as the Christmas list that I had composed.  She knew what I liked. She knew me.  She honestly thought that this was something that would be good for me, and would make me happy.  After I had finished them, she read them too.
What I have to say about the series, is nicer than the things my mother would say about it.  She hated it.  I don't honestly know what motivated her to finish the series, but she did, and at the end she apologized, we sold them, and spent the money on a book hat had been originally on my list.
Okay, here's the point of this whole rambling story.  Sometimes, I feel like religion is this way.  I'm not trying to be blasphemous.  It's just an honest thought I had tonight.  I feel like, sometimes religious people have this thought that they know me, and because they know me, they know exactly what will make me happy.  They aren't trying to be hurtful or trying to disappoint me.  They honestly think that what they have to offer, will make me happy.  It's selfish of me to not see that.  However, from my point of view, sometimes I feel like what they have to offer is once again the Jimmy Fincher Saga, when what I really wanted was the best book in the greatest series of my generation (I'm talking about Order of the Phoenix).
And here's where I bring up 'the gay' again.  So many people have told me that the way for me to truly be happy is to marry a woman, and to live that life, even when I explain to them that what I really feel like will make me happy is a totally different path.  I'm not trying to sound selfish. I understand that people think that this really will make me happy. They think that when I experience traditional family life, the temporary disappointment of losing what I thought I wanted, will be cured when I find out how happy I am.  But I don't think that.  All I see is Jimmy Fincher, surely satisfying to some, but not what I asked for, and not really what I want, even potentially filled with disappointment, and frustration.

Preview

I am a gay Mormon. 
Boy does it feel nice to get that off my chest. I don't expect you to pity me. Nor do I expect to praise me and tell me how brave I am.  I have wallowed around in enough self-pity to be totally over that whole "pity me" thing, and I pat myself on the back enough for my courage, that I'm pretty sure I've got a permanent bruise. So we'll skip past all the initial reactions that a vast majority of individuals have had when I made the decision to come out to them. Trust me, it's easier this way.
Let me make this clear up front, I'm writing this blog to increase understanding, because there's a lot of varied viewpoints when it comes to the concept of gay Mormons. I don't claim that mine is the right way, and I admit that I have literally zero authority to speak for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons).  What I'm going to write, has only the authority of my thoughts, my feelings, my experiences, and my beliefs.
I'm writing this blog, because I feel like understanding comes as we take the time to listen to one another, and get to know one another on a personal level. I hope that as I write, I'll be able to make this personal enough that maybe someone somewhere can read what I have to say, and have their heart or mind open, and be able to be a little bit more understanding toward gay Mormons.