Like the stereotypical gay man, I kinda love weddings. Yesterday was my older brother's wedding, and I could get into the sentimentality of it all, because it was great to see him and my brand new sister so happy together, but since this a forum for thoughts of a gay Mormon I wanted to talk about a more Mormony topic.
The last time I was in the temple was just under a year ago. I went back to California for spring break, and got to see my first convert from my mission get sealed to his family. I was expecting some experience that would convince me that the temple sealing was for me. What I felt was the opposite. It was great to see a family so happy, but I realized that I would never be that happy in that situation. It was heartbreaking at the time, because I wanted so badly to be a normal Mormon, but I realized that I just wasn't.
When I got home from spring break, my temple recommend expired, and I made the decision to just let it go. When my brother got engaged, I thought about going and trying to get it renewed, but it just didn't feel right anymore.
Yesterday as I was sitting in the waiting room, I reflected on whether or not I felt like I was missing out on something. My whole family was in the sealing room witnessing the marriage of one of my best friends, and I was absent. I should have been bitter, but I wasn't. Instead I was replaying the beautiful moment I had the night before, where I was lying on the couch, resting my head on another man's shoulder, and holding his hand, and I realized that I preferred those feelings to any I've ever felt in the temple.
No comments:
Post a Comment